Assertiveness in dating
But fears are the compass for where you need to grow in life, and doubt kills more dreams than failure or rejection ever will.
With fear and doubt, you are constantly caught in an emotional cage. So expose yourself to the point where fear and doubt are still manageable.
In situations where you are a wussy, it’s time to stand up, and in situations where you’re an asshole, it’s time to cool down.
In a way, you must start performing experiments and see how your environment reacts when you’re being healthy assertive – considering your own needs and the needs of other people. As an experiment, do a small assertive action that’s currently not something you would naturally do.
Below is the table detailing where people usually have problems with healthy assertiveness.
Find one or two situations where you are healthy assertive (not passive or aggressive) and all the situations where you’re not healthy assertive.
But false guilt, with an overly strong superego, is always looking for people to please and rules to keep. Feelings of shame are based on the belief that you’re bad, flawed and not lovable.
As we said, that originates from shame, guilt, mistrust and feelings of low self-worth.As you begin to face your fears, your anxiety naturally decreases during exposure. Many times, we assume that other people know our needs, that they can read our minds. As we said, under-assertiveness is often based on guilt and shame, and over-assertiveness is based on need inflation and escalation. The purpose of guilt is to meet your moral standard.Below are a few ideas how you can practice exposure to develop assertiveness: A very important part of this step is to work on your communication skills. You feel guilty when you assume you’ve done something wrong.You will feel like that because you assume it’s not okay to have your needs fulfilled. Thus, be patient and persistent and give yourself a tap on your back every time you expose yourself and show your vulnerability.
Even more importantly, feeling shame or guilt is an excellent opportunity for self-reflection and healthy self-talk.
You must get yourself out of the comfort zone into the learning zone, not the panic zone. First, with every small exposure, you will feel less fear, doubt, shame or guilt.