Dating sites to solvent people
Jane says: ‘Women see the writing on the wall and take a grip on their health and beauty, staying active, keeping abreast of current affairs, studying, keeping beautiful.‘I go to gym classes (made up mostly of women), whereas men my age just think they don’t have to make the effort because there are always dozens of younger women who will go out with them.’A woman who looks great, feels good about herself and is solvent and independent-minded won’t be drawn to a man who has let himself go, or who may be interested in her but is far too old.So these magnificent midlife daters fall into a void.Men of my age target younger women and I don’t fancy the older men, so it’s a real problem. Having to get back in the dating market, I focused on getting myself fit again. They lurch from one relationship to another, whereas middle-aged women are a lot stronger and more self-assured than they were in the last generation.‘I have two children and a career to manage and I’m forthright. She did meet someone new, but they split up after a couple of years and she has now been single for two years.‘Men my age are all up for a pipe and slippers life, and I’m not,’ she says.But many men don’t seem to make the same effort.‘Online you see selfie pictures they have taken of themselves half-naked in bathrooms or slouching on sofas. ‘When I got married my husband was six years older than me, but I wouldn’t take that age gap now because men aged 52 to 60 are boring.And it’s not just about looks — there is a difference in mindset between the sexes too.As Jane will attest, middle-aged and 50-plus men tend to be set in their ways, less adventurous and less youthful in outlook.‘It’s just a fact that there is a lack of available decent men,’ she says.‘It’s tough when you’re looking for love.
According to Jo Hemmings, a behavioural psychologist and dating coach, there are an estimated seven new women for every man on the dating scene in the 40-55 age group, so availability is clearly a big issue.‘I’ve had clients coming to me wondering: “Am I asking too much to find an attractive, independent, solvent guy of my age? As she explains, part of the issue is that when divorce strikes, men and women react in different ways.Online dating coach Suzie Parkus, of meetyourmatch.club, observes: ‘A man who has aged well, has a good outlook on life, a joie de vivre about him and who has seemingly done well for himself is very attractive to his peers.However, for the most part he is drawn to younger, sexier, more vibrant models.‘It has a lot to do with his self-perception in terms of being able to choose who and what he wants in a partner because he has the right to, given that he is in high demand.’While good-looking men can pick and choose, attractive women such as Jane effectively become the victims of their drive to remain active and youthful.Men, indoctrinated over generations to pursue younger women, are instinctively reluctant to consider those of a similar age to their own, even ones who look youthful and attractive.
It is something I regularly notice when I set up dates.
Yet finding suitable men for them to date seems to be a heroic challenge.